Undergraduate vs. Graduate

There's something that happens when you walk into a college cafeteria from high school; It still feels like high school... But when you graduate and you take a walk back into that same cafeteria, something else happens... you don't care anymore. It used to feel so hard to find a comfortable table to sit at especially if there were other people in the cafeteria that I knew.. "Where do I sit"?

Do I sit with the people I recognize? Do I sit with the people who are on my team (even though I don't know them)? Do I sit in the corner by myself? Is someone watching my every move on my laptop? Did someone see me blow my nose? Oh man, I am blushing, I hope no one notices the sweat beginning to drip from my nose and lips.. smh.. I can't deal with this, I am leaving. I will just go sit in the lonely hallway somewhere or in the computer lab. I rather be alone.

Now, as a graduate student and an adjunct professor I do not care. I work in Manhattan, live in Manhattan, enjoy spending time exploring Manhattan, grew up in Queens, enjoy spending time with my family in Queens, enjoy going out in Brooklyn and spending time with friends in Brooklyn, enjoy my online communications with my friends and family around the rest of the world and now, Queens College, is just a place I need to finish my degree in the next 3 months. I walk into the cafeteria and feel absolutely no anxiety. I feel lighter and enjoy not worrying about who likes me and who doesnn't; at least at school. At work it can be a different story but it is a more personal circle type of situation. At school, I do not have friends nor do I come here to make friends. I don't even really want to feel forced to communicate with my classmates but I need to because my professor only wants me to really bounce off my classmates. She seems to be apparently uninterested in answering my questions. When I sent an e-mail informing her that I would be out for a class and if there was anything else I should know about the class in particular that I would miss and her response was: "Ask your classmates if you missed anything".

Anyway, the circle of life, it seems like high school never really goes away. But when it does, it is definitely freeing. It feels nice to not care about what people are thinking. I don't know why it ever matters to anyone but I personally am still dealing with it here and there. You feel misjudged and misunderstood and everything you say is mistaken for a different meaning or intention. It is nice to feel free though. Stay care free. I think it comes with maturity. :)

That's all for now. Have to go to the writing center for my class.